FUNNY JOKES IN ENGLISH
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night.
He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
And he took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing,
“you are the reason I fight with my wife”.
He smashed the second bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t love my children”.
He smashed the third bottle,
“you are the reason I don’t have a decent job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full.
He hesitated for only a moment and said
“you stand aside, I know you were not involved”.
BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game…..
When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall….
And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall….
One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment…
got it ?
Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.
Boss : Okay…Ready, Set…
Employees : ??????
Teacher said the students to convert the sentence “I killed a person” into future tense.
Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is “u will go to jail”!
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!
Son: I am not able to go to school today.
Father: what happened?
Son: I am not feeling well
Father: Where you are not feeling well?
Son: In school!
Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”!
Sam: Dear sir, I want to ask you something.
Teacher: yes Sam, ask me, what do you want?
Sam: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?
Teacher: No Sam. Why should I?
Sam: Thank you sir. That’s a relief. I haven’t done the homework.
Math Teacher: Sara, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?
Sara: A Headache Madam.
Teacher to student: “Make a sentence using the word “I”
Student: “I is..”
Teacher: “No that is not correct, you should say I am”
Student: “Ok. I am the ninth letter in the Alphabet”!