Just For Jest (jokes)

Just For Jest

1.Did you take my advance about your insomnia ? Did you count numbers ?

Yes, I did, doctor. I counted up to 482, 354’.

And did you fall asleep ?’ ‘no ? it was time to get up !’

 

2. A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven straight into the sitting room. ‘How on earth did you manage to do that? He fumed. ‘quite simple. Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!’

 

3. How long will the next bus be, inspector?’ about eight metres, Sir’.

 

4. The acoustics in this hall are marvelous, aren’t  they?’ ‘Pardon?’

 

5. Why are you crying, Sonny?’

My brother’s lost his school cap’

But why should that make you cry?’

I was wearing it when he lost it.’

 

6. ‘I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking’.

What did he say?’

He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate’. Did that do any good?’

No? I can’t get  the chocolate to light’.

 

7. A motorist who had the misfortune to run over a woman’s dog was extremely apologetic. I really am most terribly sorry, Madam’, he said. I will, of course, replace your dog’.

If you like’, she replied, ‘but are you any good at catching rats?’

 

8. A girl was sent home by an angry techer for not attending in school uniform. She returned half-an-hour later dripping wet. What’s the meaning of this? Demanded her teacher.

You told me to wear my school clothes’, said the miserable pupil, ‘but they were in the wash’.

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